[translation] “Kuroko no Basuke” 2nd Season Vol. 1 Audio Drama Feat. Kuroko Tetsuya

「黒子のバスケ」2nd SEASON 第1巻 SPECIAL CD Feat. 黒子テツヤ
Kuroko no Basuke 2nd Season Vol. 1 Special CD Feat. Kuroko Tetsuya

Kuroko: “Tora-kun and I made a promise. We promised to defeat the oni at all costs and become the world’s greatest vanilla milkshake artisans!”

Note:

This drama CD is loosely based on the Japanese folktales of Momotarou (Peach Boy) and Issun-boushi (One-Inch Boy), so it might be helpful to be familiar with those stories before reading the translation. Enjoy!

– –

Translation:

[on the way to morning practice]

Kagami: Urgh… It’s so hot… It’s way too early in the morning for the sun to be beating down like this… At this rate, September might as well be part of summer vacation…

Kuroko: I agree.

Kagami: Whoa—?! Kuroko?! When’d you get here?

Kuroko: Just now. Good morning.

Kagami: Uh, yeah. Huh, that’s weird.

Kuroko: What is?

Kagami: You don’t have bedhead this morning. Your hair usually looks like a bird’s nest in the morning.

Kuroko: Oh… Actually, I had a strange dream last night, so I didn’t sleep very well.

Kagami: Yeah…? That sucks.

Kuroko: You were in my dream, Kagami-kun.

Kagami: Huh? I was? What the heck was I doing in your dream?

Kuroko: Hm…

Kagami: Why’d you get all quiet?

Kuroko: It’s hard to explain in just a few words, since the entire dream was very strange from start to finish.

Kagami: Then where’s a good place to start?

Kuroko: I think it will be easier to understand if you hear it from the beginning.

Kagami: Then just tell it from the beginning!

Kuroko: Are you sure? It might take a while.

Kagami: That’s fine by me. ?! Wait, was it one of those dreams?

Kuroko: What dreams?

Kagami: Y’know, like…the ones you only have at night…

Kuroko: Oh, the horror kind? No, as far as genre goes, it was more of a fairytale.

Kagami: A fairytale? And I was in it?

Kuroko: Well, Kagami-kun, you were…or rather, let’s just say you were very well represented.

Kagami: Now it makes even less sense… C’mon, just spill it already!

Kuroko: Very well. This is the story of the strange dream I had.

– –

Kuroko: Kuroko no Basuke Special CD featuring Kuroko Tetsuya.

– –

Kuroko: Once upon a time, in a certain place, there lived a young man who had very little presence. One day, the young man went for a walk by the river—

– –

Kagami: Hold on.

Kuroko: What is it, Kagami-kun?

Kagami: What’s with the “once upon a time”? I thought you were gonna tell me about your dream.

Kuroko: I am telling you what happened in my dream. While I was dreaming, I realized, “Oh, this must have happened a long time ago,” but it never occurred to me to wonder how I knew.

Kagami: …so that’s how it was?

Kuroko: That’s exactly how it was. Since it was a dream. May I continue?

Kagami: Er…yeah…

– –

Kuroko: One day, the young man went for a walk by the river, whereupon he saw a large, blue peach—

Aomine: Splish, splash… Splish, splash… (1)

Kuroko: —that was floating down from upstream.

– –

Kagami: Why is the peach doing its own sound effects?!

– –

Kuroko: The young man realized that he could use that large peach to make a milkshake, so he went to fish the peach out of the river. However—

Aomine: Hey. Who told ya you could pick me up?

Kuroko: —something miraculous happened. He heard a voice coming from inside the peach!

Aomine: Don’t go sticking your nose in other people’s business. The only one who can pick me up…is me!

Kuroko: Not to worry. Just look at these guns. [makes a muscle]

Aomine: I can’t see you from inside this peach, dammit!

– –

Kagami: And you don’t even have any “guns” to begin with!

– –

Kuroko: You shouldn’t presume to know what will happen in the future. You can’t do more than speculate based on past events. I won’t know whether or not I can do it…until I try to pick up the peach.

Aomine: Heh. You’ve said it now.

Kuroko: [grabs the peach] Heave-ho…! [lugs the peach up the riverbank…and drops it] Ah!

Aomine: Waah! Ack! Ahh! I’m unstoppable! Gaaah—! [falls into the river]

Kuroko: The peach fell into the river with a huge splash and started to sink. But then—

[Midorima the river spirit emerges from the water]

Midorima: I am the spirit of this river. Did you just drop this blue peach? Or was it this yellow peach? Or perhaps, was it today’s lucky item, this peeler? Answer truthfully.

Kuroko: Spirit-san, the blue peach is the one I dropped.

Midorima: Hm. To you, who have done everything in your power and answered truthfully, I will grant a reward. I will now change this blue peach into a ripe, edible one.

Aomine: Hey! Don’t I get a say in this?

Midorima: Hm? What is it, blue peach?

Aomine: I am myself. Don’t go sticking your nose in my business, you sneaky four-eyes.

Midorima: “Sneaky”…?!

Kuroko: The river spirit was angered by the blue peach’s high-handed manner of speech—

Midorima: …!

Kuroko: —and he tossed the peach high into the sky.

[Midorima shoots a three-pointer with the peach]

Aomine: [flying through the sky] What the hell—?!

[the peach vanishes in the distance]

Midorima: Hmph. This entire woodland is within my shooting range. Now, young man, that blue peach was slightly rotten on the inside, so instead, I will give you this yellow, more docile peach, which was ripe to begin with.

Kuroko: With these words, the spirit disappeared, leaving the large, yellow peach behind. Well, it’s all the same to me. I’ll use this yellow peach to make a milkshake.

– –

Kagami: You’re not gonna give up on that milkshake, are you?

– –

Kuroko: Once the young man had made up his mind, he went to cut the peach. But suddenly—

[Kise emerges from the peach]

Kise: Shalalalalala! Hello there! It’s Kise Ryouta, everyone’s beloved idol!

– –

Kagami: I knew it was him! It was totally obvious!

– –

Kuroko: Kise-kun, were you born from that peach?

Kise: You don’t have to be so formal! I want you to call me Ryouta!

Kuroko: Kise-kun!

Kise: Come on, call me Ryouta—

Kuroko: Kise-kun.

Kise: Ryouta—

Kuroko: Kise-kun.

Kise: ?! Kise is fine.

– –

Kuroko: Eventually, Kise-kun grew up to be a young man to whom everything came easily.

Kise: [sighs] I’m so bored…

Kuroko: Kise-kun, what’s the matter?

Kise: Kurokocchi, isn’t there anyone around here who can light a fire in me?! There’s no excitement in my life…

Kuroko: In that case, why don’t you go slay an oni?

Kise: An oni? You mean that one that’s been terrorizing the capital?

Kuroko: Yes. Those who have the power to do so should help others and make the world a better place.

Kise: That sounds like more trouble than it’s worth.

Kuroko: I’ve already packed your things. [hands Kise a bundle] I’ve also prepared some vanilla millet dango for you.

Kise: Doesn’t the vanilla defeat the purpose of making them with millet? And, I mean, I didn’t even say I would go—

Kuroko: Kise-kun, you’re going to go, aren’t you?

Kise: Um, but… I mean…

Kuroko: You’re going to go, aren’t you?

Kise: I’ll go.

Kuroko: Well then, have a nice trip!

Kise: I’ll be back… I can’t believe I let him talk me into taking this journey… Well, even if I’m up against an oni, there’s no way he’ll be able to beat me!

– –

Kuroko: After setting out on his journey to slay the oni, Kise-kun eventually came upon the river. And there, what should he see but a small bowl floating down from upstream? In the bowl, a very, very small boy was lazing about while eating sweets.

Murasakibara: I’m One-Inch Boy! Oh? You’ve got something good there. Won’t you give me some of those millet dango from your bag?

Kise: Sure, that’s fine. I have a lot, anyway.

Murasakibara: Wow! Thank you! You know…snacks are an indispensable part of any journey.

Kuroko: Once he had placed all the millet dango he had received into the bowl, One-Inch Boy made ready to depart on another journey. However—

[splashing]

Murasakibara: Uh-oh! The dango are too big! I think they’re going to tip my bowl over—waaah! [falls into the water]

Kise: Ahhh—! One-Inch Boy! Are you alright?!

Kuroko: While Kise-kun was fretting over One-Inch Boy, who had fallen into the water—

[Midorima the river spirit emerges from the water]

Midorima: Did you just drop this small One-Inch Boy? Or was it this large One-Inch Boy? Or perhaps, was it today’s lucky item, this Blip-Blop Miracle Mallet? (2)

Kise: I didn’t drop him, but the small one is the one that fell in.

Midorima: Hm. To you, who have done everything in your power and answered truthfully, I will grant a reward. I will now make this small One-Inch Boy bigger.

Murasakibara: Huh? What do you mean?

Murasakibara: Abracadabra—!

[Midorima swings the Miracle Mallet]

Kuroko: Before One-Inch Boy even understood what was happening, the spirit made the power of the Miracle Mallet reverberate through the air. And what do you suppose happened next? Before their very eyes, the small One-Inch Boy grew bigger!

[magical sounds]

Murasakibara: What’s going on…huuuuh? [grows to full size]

Midorima: Hm. You will now be known as Six-Foot Eight-Inch Tarou. Farewell.

[Midorima disappears]

Kise: Six-Foot Eight-Inch Tarou…? Are you alright?

Murasakibara: Huuuh… I wonder if I can eat the millet dango that fell in the water…?

Kise: That’s what you’re worried about? What about your body?!

Murasakibara: Oh, it’s no big deal. Doesn’t hurt anywhere. Anyway, what about the millet dango…? The millet dango…! Waaaah—! The millet dango! What about the millet dango…?!

Kise: Um, I think I’m gonna be on my way now! See you!

– –

Kise: [sighs] I don’t have many dango left…

Kuroko: Upon seeing Kise-kun pass by, a pheasant called out to him.

Kagami: Hey, you! I’ll help you slay the oni if you gimme those dango!

– –

Kagami: Wha—?! Kuroko, I’m a pheasant?!

Kuroko: At that point, yes, you were a pheasant.

Kagami: What’s that supposed to mean?!

Kuroko: Just keep listening, please. It will all make sense soon enough.

– –

Kuroko: In response to the pheasant’s offer, Kise-kun answered thusly:

Kise: No, there’s no way.

Kagami: And why’s that?! I won’t lose in an aerial battle!

Kise: An aerial battle? But you can’t fly.

Kagami: Oh, yeah? Well, I’m a pheasant. ‘Course I can fly.

Kise: No, you can’t. Take a good look at yourself. You’re a chicken, see?

Kagami: Huh?

Kise: A chicken.

Kagami: Heh! Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m not a chicken— [clucks] ?!

Kise: See? I told you. How much damage d’ya think you can do as a chicken? Later!

Kuroko: Kise-kun parted ways with the pheasant-turned-chicken and resumed his journey, whereupon a monkey called out to him.

Kagami: Hey! I’ll go with you on your journey if you gimme those dango.

Kuroko: The monkey vaguely resembled the pheasant Kise-kun had seen not long ago, but since they were monkey and pheasant, they were, of course, different creatures. Kise-kun said to the monkey:

Kise: With that high-and-mighty attitude, you must be pretty confident in your abilities.

Kagami: You betcha! ‘Cause monkeys are pretty similar to humans. I can do most anything you can do.

Kise: I’ll make do with my copy skills, then. See ya!

Kagami: [screeching]

Kise: After parting ways with the monkey, Kise-kun resumed his journey. This time, a tiger called out to him.

Kagami: Hey, you. If you wanna make it out of here alive, you’ll hand over those dango.

Kise: Just how valuable are these millet dango?

Kagami: Beats me. I couldn’t care less about ‘em, but this guy here says he wants them.

Kise: “This guy”? Who? Where?

Kuroko: Right here.

Kise: Huh? Where?

Kuroko: I’m a shadow.

Kise: Huh? Uwaaaah—?! There’s something in the tiger’s shadow!

Kagami: How many times do I have to tell you not to use me as a sunshade?!

Kuroko: But it’s nice and cool in your shadow.

Kise: Kurokocchi!

Kuroko: That is incorrect. I’m a dog.

Kise: Huh? No, you’re obviously Kurokocchi.

Kuroko: No, I’m not. I’m a dog who looks exactly like him. My name is Ichigou.

Kise: But isn’t Ichigou the person the dog was named after?

Kuroko: Now then, please give me a millet dango.

Kise: Sure thing!

Kagami: That was fast! What happened to the attitude you were giving me before?!

Kise: Well, I just can’t say “no” to this face!

Kuroko: Kise-kun, thank you very much. To express my gratitude, why don’t we accompany you to the Island of the Oni and help you slay the oni?

Kise: Sweet! That means I’m on the same team as Kurokocchi Ichigou! We’ll set our course for the Island of the Oni! Let’s go!

– –

[sounds of the ocean as Kagami paddles a boat]

Kagami: Hey, how did I get stuck paddling the boat?!

Kuroko: Tora-kun, when going to slay an oni, what’s important is to consider what you can do for the sake of the team.

Kagami: O-oh, okay.

Kise: Toracchi, the boat’s losing speed.

Kagami: Huh? Oh, got it. [starts paddling again]

Kise: Kurokocchi Ichigou, how about a millet dango?

Kuroko: Yes, please. These are delicious, aren’t they?

Kagami: ?! When’re you two gonna get off your asses and help?! It really feels like I’m being taken advantage of.

Kuroko: That’s not true. Tora-kun, would you like a millet dango?

Kagami: I’ve got both paws in the water, so I can’t eat it!

Kuroko: In that case, please open your mouth.

Kagami: What?

Kuroko: Tora-kun, say, “Aah.”

Kagami: Aaah.

Kuroko: This millet dango…accelerates! [uses an Ignite Pass to propel the dango into Kagami’s mouth]

Kagami: [choking on the dango; muffled] What the hell—?! [swallows] Haa… Wow, these are good.

Kise: Anyway, why did you come with us, Toracchi?

Kagami: ‘Cause Ichigou told me to come.

Kuroko: Tora-kun and I made a promise. We promised to defeat the oni at all costs and become the world’s greatest vanilla milkshake artisans!

Kagami: Huh?! All you said was, “Let’s become the best in the world!” Why do we have to be “vanilla milkshake artisans”?!

Kuroko: So we can make the world’s most delicious vanilla milkshake.

Kagami: That has nothing to do with slaying the oni!

Kuroko: Yes, it does.

Kagami: How so?!

Kuroko: Just imagine what a vanilla milkshake will taste like once the world is at peace.

Kagami: …it’ll taste like vanilla, right?

Kise: Yeah, like vanilla.

Kuroko: …

– –

Kuroko: At long last, Kise and his companions reached the Island of the Oni.

[sounds of surf]

Kise: So this is the Island of the Oni, huh? Now just where is the oni, I wonder?

Aomine: So you finally made it.

Kise: You’re the oni?!

Aomine: Yep. They’ve started calling me Aoni lately.

Kise: What do you mean, “lately”?

Kuroko: Kise-kun, is he really an oni?

Kise: Huh?

Kuroko: Kise-kun, both you and Aoni-san are giving off the same smell.

Kise: What’s that supposed to mean?

Kuroko: Exactly what it sounds like. You both have the same smell. It’s very sweet.

Kagami: [sniffing] They smell like peaches.

Kise: “Peaches”? Then, does that mean that…

Aomine: That’s right. That day, I was floating down the river—splish, splash, splish, splash—just minding my own business, when a young man with no presence plucked me out of the water. And then, for no good reason, the river spirit chucked me into the sky! I’m the blue peach!

Kise: Huuuh?! Seriously?!

Aomine: But you know, I’m not just a plain ol’ peach anymore. Driven by the humiliation I suffered that day, I have reinvented myself as an up-and-coming tyrant! I’ll teach you to fear the power of the original! I’ll show you, you copycat bastard!

Kise: What? Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?

Kuroko: It might be hard to reason with someone holding a grudge.

Aomine: Hold on. There’s somebody else here who’s got a bone to pick with you.

Kise: There’s another one?

Murasakibara: Hey, Kisechin, what did I do to deserve this…?

Kise: Six-Foot Eight-Inch Tarou! What’s wrong?

Murasakibara: Once my body got bigger, the snacks got smaller, and now I just can’t get enough… No matter how much I eat, I’m always hungry. How’re you gonna fix this? Come on, already. I’ll crush you.

Kise: And you’re saying that’s…my fault?

Kagami: Grudges over food are a force to be reckoned with.

Aomine: You’re gonna pay us back tenfold.

Kuroko: How are we going to settle this?

Aomine: Obviously, we’ll settle it…with basketball.

Kagami: Well, I saw that one coming.

Kise: Bring it on! I’ve never failed to return a favor on the court.

Kuroko: We’re going to give it all we’ve got.

– –

Kuroko: And thus, the battle between the team of Aoni and Six-Foot Eight-Inch Tarou and Kise-kun’s team was ready to begin. However, they did not have the correct number of people to play three-on-three. The boss of the Island of the Oni, Akaoni, was away on a journey, having set off on horseback in search of delicious tofu.

– –

Aomine: Well, we don’t have much of a choice. Let’s get on with it and drum up another player. C’mon, you! [grabs Kagami]

Kagami: What—?! Aoni, what the hell’re you doing?! Uwaaaa—?!

[Aomine tosses Kagami into the river]

Kuroko: The reckless Aoni pushed the tiger into the river. And then—

[Midorima the river spirit emerges from the water]

Midorima: Did you just drop this foolish pheasant-turned-chicken?

Kagami: [clucking]

Midorima: …! Or was it this boneheaded monkey?

Kagami: [screeching]

Midorima: …! Or was it this idiotic tiger?

Kagami: Roaaar—my ass! Who’re you callin’ “idiotic”?!

Midorima: Or perhaps, was it today’s lucky item, this basketball?

Kuroko: You’ve sure got your hands full today, Spirit-san.

Midorima: Hmph. [struggling under the weight] All together, they weigh a total of 246 kilos… (3) I surpassed my limit long ago. Now, tell me which one you dropped!

Aomine: Oh, it was the tiger. That’s the one.

Midorima: Very well! To you, who have done everything in your power and answered truthfully—

Aomine: I don’t really want the pheasant or the monkey. What I want—is you! [grabs Midorima]

Midorima: What are you doing?! Let go of me!

Aomine: Yeah, yeah, no worries. [drags Midorima out of the water] And now we’ve got enough people. Let’s settle this with some three-on-three!

Kagami, Kise, and Murasakibara: Yeah!

– –

[whistle blows]

Aomine: Ha! Let’s see you try and stop me!

Kagami: I’ll stop you, even if it’s the last thing I do! Let’s go, Ichigou!

Kuroko: Yes, Tora-kun!

Midorima: Hmph. My shots never miss.

Kise: You’re not the only one who can make a three.

Murasakibara: You think winning’s gonna be easy? Think again.

Kuroko: Thus, they began to compete in basketball. However, as they were all veteran fighters brimming with talent, the game continued, with neither team able to clinch victory over the other. As a result, the oni stopped making mischief, and the world was at peace. And they all lived happily ever after.

– –

Kuroko: That’s how my dream went.

Kagami: ?! Ugh… What an exhausting dream…

Kuroko: Yes. That’s why once I woke up in the middle of the night, I couldn’t go back to sleep.

Kagami: Yeah, I bet. It wore me out just listening to it. Still, the fact that you’re playing basketball even in your dreams means you’re one hell of a basketball junkie, huh?

Kuroko: … You may be right.

Kagami: Huh? It’s unusual for you to say something like that.

Kuroko: Is it really?

Kagami: Yeah, I expected you to say something like, “I don’t want to hear that from a basketball junkie.”

Kuroko: Oh, so you admit that you’re a basketball junkie?

Kagami: Shut it!

Kuroko: That was a compliment. Besides, thanks to you, Kagami-kun, I think I understand why I had that dream.

Kagami: What? You think the dream means somethin’?

Kuroko: Yeah. They say dreams are the mirror of the soul. So it seems that I’m looking forward to playing against them—against the Generation of Miracles—even more than I thought. And I think that’s why I had that dream.

Kagami: Heh. Summer vacation’s over, and the Winter Cup preliminaries are right around the corner.

Kuroko: I’m sure they’ve grown even stronger over summer vacation. Now I can’t wait to see what kind of plays they use during our games.

Kagami: Yeah! But no matter how strong our opponents are, we’re gonna defeat ‘em all! Right?

Kuroko: Of course. Let’s become number one in Japan, with your and my basketball.

Kagami: Right on! A promise is a promise.

Kuroko: Yes.

Kagami: Wait a sec. Your dream must’ve had something to do with your goals…or at least what’s on your mind, right?

Kuroko: That’s right. Dreams can be manifestations of subconscious thoughts.

Kagami: Wait, so that means…the pheasant, the monkey, and the tiger were all s’posed to be me?! Is that what you think of me?!

Kuroko: …! Kagami-kun, it’s alright. It was just a dream. A dream.

Kagami: No, it’s totally not “alright”! Just what exactly do you think of me?!

Kuroko: Oh! We’re going to be late to morning practice if we don’t hurry. Let’s run the rest of the way! [takes off]

Kagami: Wha—?! Hey, Kuroko! Kuroko—!

– –

Translation Notes:

(1) 「どんぶらこっこ、どんぶらこっこ」(“donbura kokko, donbura kokko”) is the sound made by the peach floating down the river in Momotarou.

(2) 「打出の小槌」(“uchide no kozuchi”) is the Miracle Mallet that the princess in Issun-boushi uses to make One-Inch Boy grow into a full-size person. Items similar to the Miracle Mallet often appear in video games, hence the “blip-blop” sound effect.

(3) About 542 pounds.

– – –

[FIN]