二本の風呂上りの定番 / Nihon no Furo Agari no Teiban / The Japanese Bath-Time Routine
2 Days to Complete / 150 “Kizuna” Points
[in the dining hall; after a trip to the onsen]
Hyuuga: Ahh—! Nothing beats fruit milk after a nice hot bath!
Kagami: That sounds like it’s straight out of a commercial.
Hyuuga: It’s not like I’m quoting some catchphrase or anything. Drinking fruit milk just makes you want to say it, right?
Kagami: Well, I wouldn’t know… Anyway, is fruit milk really that delicious?
Hyuuga: What, you’ve never had it before? It’s especially delicious when you drink it right after getting out of the bath.
Kagami: But if you want to stay hydrated, it’s more efficient to have a sports drink.
Hyuuga: Kagami, where’d you learn to say smart stuff like that…?
Kagami: I do have a brain, you know!
Hyuuga: Drinking fruit milk after a bath is a Japanese tradition that dates back to ancient times. There’re guys who say to drink coffee milk, but if you ask me, that’s just plain heresy. Alright, it’s time to initiate you in the proper etiquette of the Japanese tradition of drinking fruit milk after a bath. This should be a good lesson in the Japanese aesthetic of wabi sabi.
Kagami: “Wabi sabi”…?
Hyuuga: Not knowing is nothing to be ashamed of. This is your chance to learn.
Kagami: Y-yes, sir! I’m ready when you are!
Koganei: What the heck are you doing?
Hyuuga: Hm? I’m just teaching Kagami about a quintessential Japanese tradition.
Koganei: A Japanese tradition? Yeah, I guess Kagami did grow up in America.
Hyuuga: Wanna help me teach him the right way to do it, Koga?
Koganei: No, that’s okay … I’ll just watch from over here.
Hyuuga: Okay, then. Now where were we, Kagami? Right, you start off by propping one hand on your hip.
Kagami: Like this?!
Hyuuga: Have more confidence in yourself! Think of yourself as the epitome of mankind and hold your head high!
Kagami: As the epito…the what now?
Hyuuga: It means to think of yourself as a cut above the rest.
Hyuuga: Alright, that’s the ticket! Now hold the fruit milk in your other hand!
Kagami: With my dominant hand?!
Hyuuga: Yes, your dominant hand! Here, this one’s on me.
Kagami: Thank you, sir!
Hyuuga: Very good. You’re getting the hang of it. Now you’re a shining example of a real Japanese man!
Koganei: You’re drinking fruit milk? Why not coffee milk?
Hyuuga: You dumbass! It’s people like you who are responsible for screwing up Japan!
Koganei: Why’re you mad at me?! I didn’t even do anything!
Kagami: It’s got to be fruit milk after a bath…isn’t that right?
Hyuuga: Exactly! Looks like you get the picture, Kagami! Now on to the next step! Put the bottle to your lips, and while turning your upper body to the side, chug all the milk in one go—down the hatch!!
Kagami: Down the hatch!
Hyuuga: (Chug, chug, chug)—argh! [choking]
Kagami: Hey, are you alright, Hyuuga?!
Hyuuga: [coughing] It…it went down the wrong pipe!
Kagami: Here goes—arghhh!!
Koganei: You don’t need to mimic him!
Hyuuga: [sputtering] Kagami…that was flawless.
Koganei: Heeey! You’re the one screwing up his image of Japan, Hyuuga~!
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