Making Izuki’s puns work in English is half the battle… 😉 The audio drama featuring Kiyoshi is coming up next!
「黒子のバスケ」DVD Vol. 3: オーディオドラマ 日向編
Kuroko no Basuke DVD Vol. 3: Audio Drama Feat. Hyuuga Junpei
Hyuuga: “Dango over flowers, data over romance, right?”
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[during a basketball game before the Inter-High preliminaries]
Riko: Three minutes left, guys! Ahh, I can’t believe things are this rough just because Kagami-kun’s not here…! But it’s not over yet! Don’t give up!
[referee blows a whistle]
Hyuuga: Hey, second years! Who told you to back down?! Don’t think you can slack off just ‘cause this is a practice game!
Koganei: He’s scary~!
Hyuuga: And you guys on the bench! Make some noise! I wanna hear you cheering!
Riko: ?! Oh, boy… Tsuchida-kun, do you think he’s…?
Tsuchida: Yeah, I think he’s finally in clutch-time mode.
[Hyuuga takes a shot]
Hyuuga: And what’s up with your hairstyles, huh?! You’ve all got freakin’ crew cuts! [makes a basket; takes another shot] But you just don’t have the guts to shave your heads completely! That’s why your plays are so damn sloppy! [makes another basket]
Hyuuga: And if we lose to such a freakin’ half-assed team, you’re all getting mohawks!
Kuroko: That would be a problem.
[Hyuuga makes another basket; referee blows a whistle to signify the end of the game]
Riko: Ahh, we won! We won! Thanks to Hyuuga-kun’s consecutive three-pointers, we somehow managed to make a comeback.
Hyuuga: But we fell apart just because Kagami-kun wasn’t there. That’s not a good sign…
Riko: He’s out with a stomachache, so I bet he ate something weird.
Hyuuga: Well, he eats way too much to begin with.
Riko: Okay, that settles it. I think I’ll prepare a special menu for him!
Hyuuga: N-no, I don’t think that’s a good idea…
Riko: Why? He lives alone, right? I’m sure he doesn’t eat a balanced diet.
Hyuuga: No, don’t! Seriously! [aside] What’re we supposed to do if he never recovers…?
Riko: Hm? What’s that?
Hyuuga: It’s nothing! [sighs] But still…
Riko: What’s wrong? I hardly ever see you sigh like that.
Hyuuga: Oh… It’s just that everybody’s been acting kind of strange lately.
Riko: Eh? Really?
Hyuuga: Even when I invite them out to grab a bite to eat after practice, they just slink off on their own and head home. Stuff like that. It feels like they’re being, I dunno, distant…?
Riko: I-it’s just your imagination!
Hyuuga: There’s not much I can do about going into clutch time during games, but I was thinking that maybe I’m making hurtful remarks to them during practice without realizing it…
Riko: No, that’s not true! Even if you were, none of them would take it to heart!
Hyuuga: As the captain, I guess being disliked by the rest of the team might come with the territory.
Riko: But just think—there’s only one week left until our game against Papa! Let’s do everything we can to make sure we’re up to the task!
Hyuuga: Yeah, of course.
Riko: Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow!
Hyuuga: ‘Kay. See you!
Riko: One week later, we played Shinkyou Academy in the first round of the Inter-High preliminaries. We thought we would have a tough fight against Papa, the foreign exchange student from Senegal, but Kagami-kun far surpassed my expectations and completely overwhelmed him. Thus, we clinched a stunning victory. Then, the next day, on Sunday, a certain important mission lay before us, the second years.
Hyuuga: Kuroko no Basuke: Special CD. Featuring Hyuuga Junpei.
[early in the morning; Koganei enters Seirin’s clubroom]
Koganei: Yo! Whoa, you’re here early, Mitobe! Oh, are those the gauntlets? Damn, they look so realistic! You’d never believe they were made out of plastic and wire! And we even bought all the materials at the 100 yen shop! They’re amazing, Mitobe! You’ve got some skills! Whoa, you even made a katana! You’re, like, a master at this!
[Izuki enters the clubroom]
Koganei: Oh, Izuki! Look at these gauntlets and this sword!
Izuki: Whoa…! It fits…like a glove!
Koganei: ?! Was that pun really necessary?!
Izuki: You’re one to talk! What are those supposed to be, Koga? Were you trying to make greaves?
Koganei: What are you talking about? There’s no way you could mistake them for anything else! I got shin guards from one of the guys in the soccer club, and then I painted them. Look at this glossy finish! Elegant, isn’t it?
Izuki: Nope, there’s no way we can use those. They look too cheap.
Koganei: Fine, then. Let’s see yours.
Izuki: I’m not going to lose to Mitobe! Even though we had a game yesterday, I stayed up all night working on this! [unzips his bag and removes a “helmet”] Take a look at this helmet! I used a regular helmet for the base. And then I made the crest out of cardboard! For Naoe Kanetsugu, you’ve gotta have the kanji for “love”! (1)
Koganei: Whoa—! Wait, that says “passion”, not “love”!
Izuki: Ahhh! You’re right!
Koganei: What kind of self-respecting Sengoku general would fight a battle while wearing the kanji for “passion” on his helmet?! That’s so embarrassing! Do it over!
Izuki: [depressed] This helmet is hell met…
[Tsuchida enters the clubroom, carrying most of a suit of samurai armor]
Tsuchida: Easy does it… Easy does it… Made it! [sets down the armor]
Koganei: Tsucchi…is that…
Izuki: …real body armor…?
Tsuchida: Yeah. It was just sitting in my grandma’s cellar.
Izuki: Your ancestors were samurai?
Tsuchida: I dunno. I always thought they were farmers.
Koganei: It looks awesome, but now the whole thing seems mismatched since only the torso armor is authentic…
Tsuchida: Yeah, I was afraid of that.
Izuki: What happened to the rest of it?
Tsuchida: Apparently the other pieces got stolen a long time ago. Oh, and everything above the shoulders was missing to begin with.
Koganei: That means this guy was a deserter!
Kuroko: What are you doing?
Koganei: Don’t scare us like that, Kuroko!
Izuki: I’m begging you—don’t sneak up on us like that! I almost had a heart attack!
Kuroko: I’m sorry.
Izuki: And aren’t you a little early today?
Kuroko: I was going to practice on my own for a bit before we started. Why are you here, senpai?
Koganei: It’s just what it looks like! We’re making a Sengoku general’s armor! We have to put all the pieces together. It’s all to scale! Pretty cool, huh?
Kuroko: Why is the basketball club making armor?
Izuki: Sorry, but we don’t have time to explain.
Kuroko: I see… Then I’ll go ask the captain.
Koganei: Nooo! Wait, wait, wait, wait! See, the truth is… [whispers to Kuroko]
Hyuuga: Hmmm… How can I communicate better with my teammates…? [in an overly cheerful voice] “Yo! How ya been?” —wait, that’s so out of character for me… That’d freak them out and only end up putting more distance between us… Hmmm… What if it’s ‘cause I’ve always got this grouchy-looking expression on my face? If I take the corners of my mouth and kinda…turn ‘em up like this… [stretches his face] A smile! Yeah! [straining to hold the expression] A smile? Yeah?! [sighs] It’s no good. That just makes me look devious. [sighs] It’s tough being captain.
Koganei: And there you have it.
Kuroko: I see. So this is one of the captain’s hobbies.
Izuki: He used to have a huge collection of Sengoku general figures.
Kuroko: “Used to”…? Does he not have them anymore?
Koganei: Well…it’s more like…
Tsuchida: It’s an incredibly tragic story.
Kuroko: Now I’m curious about it.
[sound of footsteps in the hallway]
Izuki: Crap! Is that him?
Koganei: Mitobe! Kuroko! Hurry up and hide the pieces!
[Mitobe and Kuroko scramble to hide the armor; clubroom door opens]
Koganei: Oh, it’s just you, Coach.
Riko: Hyuuga-kun’s going to be here soon. Are you done yet?
Izuki: Ahh, we still need to finish putting it all together.
Riko: I guess we’re going to need a little more time, then.
Kuroko: Good morning.
Riko: ?! You’re already here, Kuroko?!
Riko: But I thought I told the first years to be here at 10 o’clock for practice.
Koganei: It’s alright. He already knows all about it.
Riko: Oh, really? Well, that’s fine. Since you’re here anyway, maybe you can help us.
Kuroko: You want me to help you make armor?
Riko: We’ll handle things here, so can you stall Hyuuga-kun for a little while?
Kuroko: Eh? How am I supposed to do that?
Riko: I don’t know, but do your best, ‘kay? If you fail…you’ll have to do three times as much strength training!
Koganei: Coach is so scary~!
Kuroko: …I understand. I’ll do the best I can.
Hyuuga: [trying to open the clubroom door] Eh? Huh? It won’t open! What’s going on?
Hyuuga: Eh? That sounded like Kuroko’s voice…
Hyuuga: What is it? Where are you? Over there? … He’s not here. That’s so weird. I could’ve sworn I heard his voice…
Hyuuga: Hm? What, he’s over there? Wait, he’s not here, either!
Kuroko: Captain, I’m not over there.
Hyuuga: Then where the hell are you?!
Kuroko: There’s something I need to ask you…
Hyuuga: Then come out already!
Kuroko: I’ve been here the whole time. Why won’t you notice me? There’s something really important I need to speak to you about.
Hyuuga: Stop! I can’t take it anymore!
Kuroko: Captain. Captain. Captain!
Riko: I hope Kuroko-kun’s doing a good job.
Izuki: Hey, Coach…?
Riko: What’s up?
Izuki: We seem to have encountered a critical problem.
Izuki: We have the suit of armor, but we forgot to get a mannequin to display it on!
Riko: Ehhhhh?! How could we forget something so essential?! What were we thinking?!
Tsuchida: What’re we going to do? Practice is about to start, too. We can’t keep stalling Hyuuga forever.
Koganei: Coach, what should we do?
Riko: Hmmm… We’ll just have to do what we can for now. Mitobe-kun, Tsuchida-kun! Go get some sandbags and rope from the groundskeeper. Bring as much as you can!
Tsuchida: What for?
Riko: We’re going to build a makeshift mannequin!
Kuroko: I see…
Koganei: Gah—!! We already told you to quit sneaking up on us like that!
Riko: How’d it go with Hyuuga-kun?
Kuroko: He should be wandering around outside the library at the moment.
Izuki: I don’t know how you do it…
Riko: That’s perfect! Kuroko-kun, lend us a hand with this!
Kuroko: I don’t really understand the situation, but…okay.
Izuki: So, how are we going to keep stalling Hyuuga?
Riko: Just leave it to me. I’ve got a great plan.
Koganei: Whoa, sounds like you’ve got it covered!
[in a hallway of the school building]
Hyuuga: [sighs] I wandered all the way to the other side of the building without even realizing it. Damn it all, what’s the deal with Kuroko?! What the hell did he need to ask me, anyway? Oh, crap. I can’t keep losing my temper over stuff like this. Kuroko’s shyer than most people. Yeah, it must have been hard for him to start a conversation. As the captain, I should’ve handled that a little more delicately, I guess… Aw, geez…
Hyuuga: Hm? What’s the matter, Coach?
Riko: Listen, there’s…something I want to show you.
Hyuuga: What do you mean?
Hyuuga: What? Why’d you bring me to the courtyard?
Riko: Just look around you! There’s so many pretty flowers!
Hyuuga: Eh? Oh. Yeah, I guess. …so? …Coach?
Riko: Look! I found a four-leaf clover!
Hyuuga: A four-leaf clover?!
Riko: C’mon, over here!
Hyuuga: Wow, no kidding.
Riko: I know, right?!
Hyuuga: Well, I mean, what’s so special about it?
Riko: It’s amazing, isn’t it?! It’s got four leaves! It’s a good omen! This is the first one I’ve ever found, just in time for the Inter-High! Ufufu! This is wonderful! [giggling]
Riko: W-why are you laughing?
Hyuuga: When’d you get to be so girly? That’s so out of character for you, Coach!
Hyuuga: Dango over flowers, data over romance, right?
Riko: Well, my bad, then, for not being girly—! [whacks Hyuuga]
Hyuuga: Ack—! [collapses]
Riko: So there! [stomps away]
Hyuuga: …oh, man. I made her angry. [sighs] I get it now. I keep saying insensitive things to people without even realizing it! I need to start being nicer to them! But, I mean, I just can’t seem to get it right…
[Riko pummels open the clubroom door]
Koganei: Coach! That was fast!
Riko: I don’t care anymore.
Izuki: We’re only halfway done!
Koganei: When all else fails…it’s finally my time to shine!
[in a hallway of the school building]
Hyuuga: It’s been one thing after another all morning, and now it’s already 9:30! I’ve gotta hurry! [starts running] Huh? There’s somebody hunched over in the hallway.
Koganei: …it hurts…! It hurts so much!
Hyuuga: Koga?! What’s wrong?
Koganei: My stomach…! All of a sudden, it just…!
Hyuuga: You, too?! Kagami’s already sick. Is there some kind of weird stomach bug going around?
Koganei: …ughhh…I can’t walk on my own… Help me get to the infirmary…!
Hyuuga: The infirmary? But it’s a Sunday.
Koganei: Huh? Oh, right. …ahhh, ughhh…! Then help me get to the bathroom! Please…!
Hyuuga: Alright. C’mon, I’m gonna bend down so you can grab onto my shoulder.
Koganei: You’re a lifesaver…! That’s the captain for ya…!
Hyuuga: What the heck did you eat yesterday?
Koganei: It’s not what I ate…I think it must have been the yoghurt I drank… The expiration date was three days ago…
Hyuuga: Three days? That shouldn’t make much of a difference.
Koganei: …three days ago—last year…!
Hyuuga: So it was spoiled! Why didn’t you notice?!
Koganei: …well…I think it used to be milk…!
Hyuuga: We need to get you to a hospital! I’m surprised you’re even still alive.
Koganei: …ughh…sorry about this… Oh, there’s the bathroom! Sorry, could you wait for me out in the hallway?
Hyuuga: Seriously? What about practice?
Koganei: I don’t think I’ll be able to make it back on my own…!
Hyuuga: [sighs] Alright, fine. Hurry up.
[some time later…]
Hyuuga: Koga’s sure taking his sweet time in there. C’mon, practice is about to start! Ah… No, I can’t let myself get worked up. This is exactly the kind of situation that’s meant to test whether or not I’m fit to be captain. … But he’s taking forever! Hey, Koga! Are you alright in there? There’s no answer… [walks into the bathroom and knocks on a stall door] Koga? [knocks again] Koga? What if he’s dead?! Open the door—! Wait, what? It’s not locked! [opens the door] He’s not here! Koga, where are you? That window’s open! Don’t tell me he snuck out the window! But why would he do that…? Shit…! What the hell is the matter with everybody today?!
[in the clubroom]
Riko: I have to hand it to you—this katana is an incredible piece of work! [unsheathes the katana and takes a practice swing] I can’t believe you made it out of materials from the 100 yen shop! [swings the katana again]
Tsuchida: Hey, wait! Don’t wave the sword around like that, Coach! It’s dangerous!
Riko: I’m sure it could cut through this mannequin like butter! Eeey! [slices through the mannequin] Ah—!
[sand spills out of the sandbags]
Izuki: Ahhh! What are you doing?! You broke the sandbags!
Tsuchida: See, I told you!
Riko: I’m sorry!
[clubroom door opens; Koganei rushes in, panting]
Koganei: I can’t stall him any longer! Whoa! What happened in here?!
Riko: [nervous laughter] Oops…
Izuki: The sand man slipped right through our fingers…
Tsuchida: I guess we have to start over.
[in the hallway outside the clubroom]
Hyuuga: They’re definitely acting weird. Are they trying to keep me out of the clubroom? We’ll see about that!
Izuki: Stop right there!
Hyuuga: What now? Izuki, is that you?
Izuki: I’m here to challenge you.
Izuki: I heard that you’re trying to usurp my throne…or so the rumor goes.
Hyuuga: What “throne”?
Izuki: The throne of the king of puns!
Hyuuga: Does that even exist?!
Izuki: At any rate, until you defeat me with a pun and pass this test, you can’t pass me!
Hyuuga: Forget it! Just get out of the way!
Izuki: Now, we’ll have a duel between men!
Hyuuga: “Dual”? That’s two much trouble!
[Hyuuga’s pun deals the finishing blow to Izuki]
Izuki: Ahh…I…I lost…
Hyuuga: Quit being so melodramatic!
[in the clubroom]
Koganei: I wonder if Izuki’s doing a good job with the distraction.
Tsuchida: Knowing him, you’d best not get your hopes up too high.
[sound of banging on the clubroom door]
Hyuuga: Hey, you lot! What do you think you’re doing?! Open this door!
Riko: He’s here—!
Tsuchida: I knew this was going to happen!
Izuki: [blocking the door from the outside] Hyuuga, wait! Stop! Just a little longer, okay?!
Hyuuga: What the hell are you talking about?! Move! [shoves Izuki aside]
Koganei: Crap! We haven’t finished the mannequin yet!
Hyuuga: Enough is enough, guys! What’re you hiding from your captain?!
Tsuchida: Quick, let’s hide the pieces!
Kuroko: Hide them? But where?
Tsuchida: Put them in the lockers!
Koganei: I don’t have that much space in my locker!
Tsuchida: Oh, me, neither!
Mitobe: [blocks his locker and shakes his head furiously]
Koganei: Wait, why don’t you want us to see the inside of your locker?!
Kuroko: For the time being, what about hiding them behind that partition?
Riko: Good idea! Hurry!
[Kuroko and co. scramble to hide the armor]
Hyuuga: Alright, I get it! If you ain’t gonna open the door, I’m gonna have to do this the hard way! [shoves open the door] What the hell is going on?!
Riko: Oh! ‘Morning, Hyuuga-kun!
Kuroko: Good morning.
Hyuuga: Yo~! I see you’ve made a miraculous recovery, huh, Koga? [footsteps crunch in the spilled sand] W-what? The floor’s covered in sand! What were you doing in here?
Koganei: N-nothing in particular!
Izuki: Hyuuga, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.
Hyuuga: Hm? There’s something on the floor over there. [picks up the helmet crest] “Passion”? This looks strangely familiar…
Izuki: Are you sure you’re not imagining things?
Koganei: You should’ve thrown that away!
Hyuuga: Ah? There’s something over there, too. A…katana? No, it’s a replica. But it’s really well made! Hm? Kuroko! What’re you holding behind your back?
Kuroko: It’s nothing.
Hyuuga: You’re hiding something, aren’t you? Give it here.
Kuroko: …okay. It’s just a roofing tile.
Hyuuga: A roofing tile? No, it’s not! This is…a real haidate! (2)
Tsuchida: Oh, man…! That must be mine!
Hyuuga: Let me explain. A haidate is a piece of armor intended to protect the thighs and lap. In order to facilitate movement, it is split into two pieces. It is also known as hizayoroi. Judging by its shape and design, this particular one was a product of the late Azuchi-Momoyama period! (3)
Tsuchida: I had no idea!
Koganei: He’s way too obsessed with this stuff!
Hyuuga: Why do you have something like this, huh?!
Riko: Oh, well. I guess you were bound to find out eventually.
Riko: We wanted to surprise you, so we’ve been working on it in secret for the past two weeks.
Hyuuga: Working on what?
Riko: A figure of a Sengoku general! And a life-size one, at that!
Hyuuga: ?! Seriously?!
Hyuuga: T-then this “passion” thing…?
Tsuchida: Izuki messed up.
Izuki: [sighs] A careless mistake. The crest was supposed to say “love” on it.
Hyuuga: Naoe Kanetsugu?! A life-sized figure of Kanetsugu?!
Koganei: The original plan was to have it ready yesterday, but since it was right before our big game, we didn’t make it in time.
Hyuuga: In time for what?
Riko: Come on, Hyuuga-kun! How could you forget such an important day?
Hyuuga: What do you mean?
Riko: Yesterday! It was your birthday, Hyuuga-kun!
Hyuuga: Oh—! That’s right… I completely forgot because of the game against Papa…
Riko: So this was supposed to be a surprise birthday present for you.
Hyuuga: A p-present?
Izuki: It was really hard keep you in the dark for two whole weeks while we worked on it!
Hyuuga: So that’s what’s been going on… [tears up] I thought… I was sure that…
Kuroko: What’s the matter, Captain?
Hyuuga: All of you…were being so distant that I…thought you hated me.
Hyuuga: But now it all makes sense… Thanks for letting me know how you feel! I am completely moved, from the very bottom of my heart!
[clack, clack, clack…]
Hyuuga: Huh? What’s that?
[clack, clack, clack…]
Riko: Eh? No way! What is that?
Izuki: The suit of armor is…
All except Kuroko: …walking on its own?!
Koganei: Gyaaaah!! Stay back! Stay back—!
Izuki: It drew the katana…!
Koganei: Aaaaah! I’m gonna die!
Hyuuga: Wait! Go on, I dare you to take another step. If you try to hurt one of my precious comrades, I’ll make you regret it!
Koganei: It’s clutch time?! Now?!
Izuki: But he sounds kind of reliable!
Kuroko: Everyone, please calm down. That’s Mitobe-senpai.
Izuki: No kidding…
Koganei: A little warning would have been nice!
Hyuuga: No, I understand! You’re wearing the armor for my sake, right, Mitobe? It looks great on you!
Tsuchida: I get it now.
Koganei: That actually…sounds a lot like something Mitobe would do.
Riko: Well, a lot of stuff happened today, but let’s take this chance to formally congratulate him. One, two—
Izuki, Koganei, Riko, Tsuchida: Happy Birthday, Captain!
Kuroko: Happy Birthday!
Hyuuga: Thanks! You guys are the best! There’s no way this team is going to lose! Let’s go to the Inter-High together!
(1) Naoe Kanetsugu was a famous samurai who served the Uesugi clan during the Sengoku period. His helmet was emblazoned with the kanji character for “love” (ai = 愛). However, Izuki mistakenly uses the kanji for “passionate love” or “affection” (koi = 恋).
(3) The Azuchi-Momoyama period (1568-1603) followed the Sengoku period and preceded the Edo period.
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