[Track 3: A Competition in the Amusement Park]
[riding to the top of a rollercoaster]
Kise: What’s the matter, Midorimacchi?
Midorima: Why are we riding a rollercoaster? What happened to the competition?
Kise: Well, we couldn’t really think of anything to do for the next round… Right, Kurokocchi?
Kuroko: Yes. I thought that maybe if we rode the rollercoaster, we would think of a good idea.
Kagami: So, what’d you come up with?
Kuroko: Well… I might think of something when the ride is over.
Kagami: What? I don’t wanna wait that long!
Kuroko: Ah. We’re about to go down.
[walking through the amusement park]
Kuroko: Riding the rollercoaster was fun, wasn’t it?
Kise: Yeah, it doesn’t really feel like you’re at an amusement park until you’ve ridden at least one rollercoaster.
Midorima: Oi. More importantly, have you decided what our next competition will be?
Kagami: That’s right! You said you wouldn’t be able to think of one ‘til we rode that thing.
Kuroko: Kise-kun, did you think of anything?
Kise: Nope, I’m stumped. We might have to ride it again!
Kagami: You two just want to ride the rollercoaster, don’t you?!
Kise: [laughing] No way! Right, Kurokocchi?
Kuroko: Kagami-kun, you’re overthinking it.
Kagami: [grumbling] Fine, then…
Midorima: Hm? What’s that?
Kise: What’s up?
Midorima: Look. There’s a line forming over there.
Kise: No kidding. You think people are lining up for some kind of attraction?
Midorima: But I don’t see a ride or anything like that.
Koganei: [yelling from a distance] Hey, Kagami! Kuroko!
Kuroko: Wasn’t that Koganei-senpai’s voice? Where’s it coming from?
Kise: What about over there? I see some of the senpai from Seirin standing in line.
Kagami: Yeah, you’re right. It’s Koganei-senpai, Mitobe-senpai, and Tsuchida-senpai.
Kuroko: Let’s go talk to them.
Koganei: Oh, that makes sense. I was wondering why you were with Kise and Midorima, but you guys are having a competition!
Tsuchida: That’s a lot of fuss over one stuffed animal.
Koganei: Hm? What is it, Mitobe? Oh, uh-huh. Kagami, Mitobe’s worried that you’re going to get worked up and push yourself too hard.
Kagami: I’m fine! And how did you get all that just by looking at Mitobe-senpai’s expression?
Kuroko: What are you waiting in line for, senpai?
Koganei: Well, you see…there’s a hero show that’s about to start!
Kagami: A “hero show”? What’s that?
Tsuchida: It’s the one called “Me and Axe at the Amusement Park”!
Kise: Oh, so people are lining up to see a show!
Koganei: Exactly! We were thinking that sometimes it’s good to return to a childlike mindset and see heroes up close!
Tsuchida: [laughing] Koga might be taking that a little too much to heart, though. He wanted to see the show no matter what.
Koganei: Ehhh, what’s wrong with that? Since we haven’t seen one in a while, I know it’ll be a lot of fun! Hey, do you guys want to see it, too?
Kuroko: Hmm… Well, we’re still in the middle of our competition… Oh, I know. If you’d like, why don’t you decide what we should do for the next round?
Kise: Ah, that’s a great idea! Please do!
Tsuchida: Oh, sure. What should it be…?
Koganei: In that case, let’s have them tell funny stories!
Kuroko: “Funny stories”…?
Koganei: Yeah! It feels like we’ve been waiting in line forever, and it’s getting pretty boring. Don’t you have any funny stories you can tell?
Kise: Isn’t that pretty much the same thing as telling puns? We just did that.
Tsuchida: You had to tell puns for the last round?
Koganei: Oh, man… I guess that’d be boring for the ones who have to watch. Then how ‘bout you tell scary stories instead?
Koganei: And they have to be scary stories from your own personal experience. What d’ya think?
Kuroko: I see. Scary things we’ve experienced first-hand.
Kagami: [voice wavering] I-I don’t have any stories like that to tell!
Koganei: It can be anything! Whoever makes the story sound the scariest is the winner!
Midorima: Hn. That’s fine by me. I’ll go first this time. [cue creepy music] It all started just recently.
Kagami: “J-just recently”…?
Midorima: When I’m lying in my bed, I can always hear that sound.
Kagami: “T-that sound”?
Midorima: On quiet nights, even though there shouldn’t be anyone on the floor above me, I hear creak, creak—like the sound of a person walking.
Kuroko: Isn’t that the sound of the house settling?
Kuroko: It’s probably just the ceiling creaking. It happens all the time in old wooden houses.
Kagami: O-oh. So that’s all it was.
Koganei: Kuroko, you didn’t even let him finish! Even if you knew that, you at least have to wait until the end of the story.
Kuroko: Ah. I’m sorry.
Tsuchida: But he told the story really well, don’t you think? I was really drawn in. Right, Mitobe?
Kise: Alright, I’m up next! [cue creepy music] This happened the day before yesterday…
Kagami: “T-the day before yesterday”…
Kise: I was about to head home after practice, and it was open.
Kagami: W-what was?
Kise: My shoe locker, even though I was sure I had closed it that morning. Something felt very out of place. And then I saw that there was something white sticking out of my locker, going flutter, flutter~!
Kagami: W-what the heck?
Kise: I prepared myself for the worst and started to walk toward the shoe lockers. With trembling hands, I gently opened my locker, and inside I found—
Kise: —a ton of love letters! Man, there were so many! It’s gotta be a new record!
Kuroko: Kise-kun, we don’t need to hear you brag.
Kise: I’m not bragging! Getting that many letters is honestly a little scary! It reminds me how attractive I am—
Kagami: So you are bragging! Quit talking like you’re all that!
Kise: But it was still a scary story! So, what’s the verdict?
Koganei: Hmmm… It was pretty scary up ‘til the middle, and the ending was funny, so I’d say it wasn’t half bad.
Tsuchida: It’s a ghost story that only Kise can tell. In a lot of ways.
Kise: Sweet! Alright, Kurokocchi, Kagamicchi, one of you has to go next!
Kagami: L-like I said, I don’t know any scary stories. Kuroko, it’s up to you.
Kuroko: Again? I’ve been wondering this for a while, but do you not like scary stories, Kagami-kun?
Kagami: Y-you idiot! I just ain’t interested in scary stories! I’m not…I’m not scared, damn it!
Kuroko: Really? Well, here’s my story, then. [cue creepy music] At my elementary school, there was an old well in the corner of the schoolyard. For safety reasons, it was sealed tightly with a cover. But one day, a sixth-year student saw that the cover was open.
Kagami: Hah. I bet there were letters in it or something.
Kuroko: Kagami-kun, you don’t put letters in a well.
Kagami: Then why was it open?
Kuroko: I don’t know. He thought it was strange, so he closed the cover on the well and started to leave. But then he heard an odd rattling noise from somewhere behind him.
Kagami: ?! I bet it was just settling.
Midorima: Kagami. Wells don’t creak.
Kagami: T-then what was it?
Kuroko: He spun around and looked at the well. The cover was open again.
Kuroko: He was shocked, but he didn’t scream. Before he knew it, black hair had appeared out of nowhere and smothered his mouth. And then, right behind him— [pulls a scary face]
Kagami: [screams bloody murder]
Tsuchida: Ka-Kagami! Warn us before you scream like that! I almost had a heart attack!
Kagami: B-but—! Kuroko—!
Kuroko: Did I do something?
Kagami: W-what kind of story was that?!
Kuroko: It’s a ghost story from when I was in elementary school. It was really popular.
Kagami: I-it was “popular”…?
Kise: Ehh? Then it wasn’t actually a personal experience.
Kuroko: Is that a problem?
Midorima: If we’re allowed to tell a regular ghost story, I know quite a few myself. It was a summer’s day—
Kagami: Enough! Stop talking! We’re done!
Kuroko: Koganei-senpai, what is the verdict?
Koganei: Hmmm, well, we did make it a rule that you had to tell a story from personal experience, and yours was a little bit different.
Kuroko: I see…
Midorima: Hn. That’s the same as saying we’ve won.
Koganei: Ahem! Now I will make the official announcement! The victory goes to…Kagami!
Kagami, Kise, Kuroko, and Midorima: Eh?
Midorima: Why? How can that be?!
Koganei: Because Kagami’s scream was the scariest thing of all!
Kise and Midorima: What?
Tsuchida: Yeah, that was something else.
Kagami: Yeaaah! I have no idea what just happened, but I did it!
Kuroko: What a surprise comeback.
Midorima: [grumbling] We won’t lose the next round!
Koganei: Oh! I think the line’s about to move! See ya, Kuroko, Kagami! Oh? Mitobe wants to make sure you don’t horse around too much and hurt yourself.
Tsuchida: Oh, and make sure you don’t cause any trouble for the people around you.
Kuroko: We’ll be careful.
Kagami: Alright, we’ll see you later!
Kise: What should we do next? A ride?
Kuroko: That’s a good idea…
Kagami: So long as it’s not scary, I don’t really care.
Tsuchida: Thanks to Kagami and the others, we managed to kill some time.
Koganei: I know, right? Ahh, I can’t wait to see the show! Tsucchi, when you were a kid, what kind of hero did you— Oh!
Tsuchida: What’s wrong, Koga?
Koganei: I just realized something!
Tsuchida: What do you mean?
Koganei: Aren’t we…kinda like heroes?!
Koganei: Our surnames are all planets!
Tsuchida: Huh? Oh, I get it! One of the kanji in “Koganei” is the same as in “Venus”, and the first kanji in “Mitobe” is the same as in “Mercury”! Good job figuring that out, Koga!
Koganei: Heheh. Yeah, well. Hey, listen. What if we were actually heroes…?
[Koganei’s fantasy starts; sound of explosions]
Kise: [evil laughter] We, the evil society known as “Miracle Generation”, have conquered this city!
Midorima: Not that there’s really any point in conquering it. But we’ve conquered it anyway.
Hyuuga: Wait just a minute!
[the heroes appear]
Midorima: That voice…! Who could it be?!
Hyuuga: I defend the peace of the Earth! Saber Sun!
Koganei: Next is the silent Saber Mercury! And me, the flash of light, Saber Venus!
Izuki: I thwart evil without fail! Saber Moon!
Kagami: I burn a brilliant red! Saber Mars!
Tsuchida: I’d like to go first once in a while! Saber Saturn—!
Seirin: We are the Basketball Squadron: Planets!
[dramatic entrance sound effect]
Kise: Whoa, your catchphrases are all over the place.
Kagami: Shut up! We had to think them up on the fly! This is as good as it gets!
Midorima: Hmph. You think impromptu heroes are a match for us?
Izuki: We won’t know until we try! Let’s go, guys!
Kagami: W-wait a sec—er, please!
Izuki: What’s wrong, Saber Mars?
Kagami: I was thinking—isn’t it kind of strange for “Saber Moon” to be in a group called the “Planets”?
Kagami: I mean, the moon isn’t a planet. It’s one of Earth’s satellites.
Tsuchida: He’s right…
Hyuuga: I’m surprised Kagami’s the one who realized it. Well, that’s that. Saber Moon, you’ll provide logistical support.
Izuki: Ehh?! Wait—you’re kicking me out of the group?!
Kagami: Shit! Damn you, Miracle Generation! How dare you force Saber Moon to be on backup duty!
Kise: What? How is that our fault?
Kagami: Sad stuff is usually caused by evil!
Midorima: That’s the very kind of prejudice that forces evil to walk the path of evil!
Kagami: Like I care! Try this technique on for size! “Mars Ultra—”!
Hyuuga: Dumbass! [whacks Kagami]
Kagami: Ouch! Hey, Saber Sun, what do you think you’re doing?
Hyuuga: Saber Mars, you just don’t get it. The first one to perform an ultimate technique should be me, the leading man!
Kagami: You’re the leading man, Captain?
Hyuuga: Of course! I’m the warrior of the Sun, you know!
Tsuchida: Huh? But the sun isn’t technically a planet, either.
Izuki: Saber Sun, let’s provide logistical support together!
Hyuuga: Ehhh?! But I haven’t gotten to do anything yet! I wanted to unleash my ultimate technique and be like, “Kaboom! Kabaam!”
Koganei: Alright, Saber Saturn! It’s time to summon the transforming robot!
Tsuchida: What kind of sudden development is that?!
Koganei: But if we don’t summon the robot, Kuroko the robot won’t get to make an appearance!
Kise: Ehh?! Kurokocchi’s a robot?!
Midorima: I was wondering why he didn’t make his entrance when we did.
Kagami: Heh! We can defeat you, even without a giant robot!
[Kuroko enters as a giant robot]
Kuroko: You’re not going to summon me? That’s cruel.
Kagami: Kuroko?! That robot is freakin’ huge!
Kuroko: Because I’m a giant robot.
Koganei: Robot! Burn them to ashes!
Kuroko: Very well. [readies weapon]
Tsuchida: B-but—! We’re defenders of justice! We shouldn’t—
Kuroko: Fire on.
All except Kuroko: Wahhhhh—!
Koganei: And so the peace of the earth was saved. The end.
Tsuchida: “The end”…? I think the most peaceful place is the inside of your head.
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