「ハルの看病奮闘記」- “Haru’s Chronicle of Do-or-Die First Aid”
“Tsuritama” Drama CD, Track 1/5 (4:35)
“After plunging into the ocean, Yuki caught a cold.
After seeing Yuki in such a state, Haru had only one thing to say:
‘Wow! Why do you feel so hot?! That’s so cool!’
Akira, Natsuki, and the others get dragged along for the ride.
This is a chronicle of do-or-die first aid according to Haru, the self-professed alien!”
[Yuki’s thoughts are conveyed in parentheses.]
Yuki: That day, after Haru went missing and I found him in the ocean, I jumped into the waves without a second thought and [Yuki sneezes] ended up catching a cold.
Y: (Somebody… My throat is killing me… That’s right…this is the first time I’ve had a cold when Grandma hasn’t been around. I hate being alone while I feel like this. Even though I’m normally fine on my own, this is really getting me down.)
Y: (No, I have to stop! I can’t keep dwelling on such depressing thoughts. If I rest, I’ll get better! I just need to rest…)
Haru: Yuki! Fishing! Let’s go fishing! Yuki, Yuki! Yuki~!
Y: (His voice…is rattling my brain…!)
H: One “Haru’s Big Jump” coming up for Mr. Sleepyhead!
[Haru catapults onto Yuki]
H: Yuki, you awake yet?
Y: (I’m…gonna die… Forget the cold… Haru’s going to be the death of me…!)
H: Huh? Why won’t you get up, Yuki? Ne, ne, Yuki! C’mon, wake up—!
H: Huh? “Goby”? You’re gonna fish for gobies? (1)
Y: (Those words don’t sound anything alike! I said, “cold”, darn it!)
H: Sure, gobies, got it! Let’s go—!
[Haru pulls Yuki off the bed]
Y: (No, stop! Don’t drag me! … O-ouch…)
H: Yuki! C’mon, Mr. Sleepyhead! You fell out of bed ‘cause you wouldn’t get up!
Y: (And whose fault is that…?!)
H: Hm? Huh? Yuki, your hand is a lot warmer than usual!
Y: (So he finally understands—!)
H: Wow! Why is it so warm?! That’s so cool!
Y: (I spoke too soon. He doesn’t get it… Well, I never understood you either, Haru!)
H: Oh, somebody’s here!
Y: (Saved by the bell…!)
[Yuki starts coughing; doorbell rings again]
Akira: Good grief. How long do you intend to make me wait before you open the door? This is precisely why big houses are such a waste.
A: No, I’m not worried. I just came to give a piece of advice. This is a one-time, super-special exception, got it?
H: Hello~! Who is it~?
A: It’s me.
[door slams; Haru and Akira wrestle over the door]
A: Geh—! Hey, open this door!
H: Nobody’s home! There’s nobody here!
A: That couldn’t be farther from the truth! (2)
A: Alright, fine!
A: Fine, I get it! You can keep the door shut, but listen to me! Just pretend I’m talking to myself!
A: Yuki…caught a cold. Take good care of him.
H: Hm? He “caught…a cold”?
– – –
[scene changes to the Duck Curry stand]
A: Geez, what a pain…
A: You have something to say, Tapioca? Why the heck would I be obligated to care for him?
A: Tapioca, you’re clearly misunderstanding. If you were the one to catch a cold, of course I would care for you. I’d help you get better, no two ways about it. I swear it on my honor as a man.
A: But as I said, the advice I just gave was a one-time, super-special exception. Just think of the trouble it would cause if an earthling were to die thanks to an alien who knows nothing about human colds. I have no other reason to interfere.
Duck member: Reporting in. JF1 has made his move.
A: Alright. Show the feed on the monitor.
Duck member: Yes!
[monitor turns on]
H: Bye-bye, Yuki! Do your best and keep “pulling the wind”, ‘kay? See ya later~! (3)
A: Why the hell is he leaving?! I tell him to look after Yuki, but instead he just—!
A: Ahem. Continue to observe JF1’s movements.
Duck member: Yes!
A: Heh. This is no longer my concern. It’s none of my business. No, I couldn’t care less…
[End of Track 1]
– – –
(1), (2): See my translation of the drama CD demo for corresponding notes about Haru’s mistaking “cold” for “goby” and Akira’s line about lies.
(3): This plot of this drama CD revolves around Haru mishearing certain words/phrases and mistaking them for others. As a result, starting in the second track, the cast effectively plays a game of “Telephone” based on these mistakes, as Haru’s misunderstanding grows to epic proportions. In (3), Haru mistakes 「風邪を引く」(“kaze wo hiku” = “to catch a cold”) for 「風をひっぱる」(“kaze wo hipparu” = “to ‘pull’ the wind”).